This is a delicate post written for all those who have suffered any form of abuse ripping the whole person inside apart so much so you cannot discern real affection from serious mental affliction. A rape that tears the insides, making us so fragmented that anyone who as much as tosses a coin of “affection” into the begging bowl of love, we blindly accept it as the most important and significant in our lives.
Being deprived of affection as a child for whatever reason creates a hole in us. Imagine that the love impoverished child suddenly receives admiration approval validation acceptance but at a cost of being interfered with (but the child cannot understand that); the child feels inappropriately touched; the child screams and seeks shelter under the bed, in the toilet. The child is accustomed to hiding because that’s where the child hid hearing the engine of the parents car near the house lest the child be rebuked.
The initial abuse a child experiences stays in the brain as a map to the package of love. And “My Rapist” is about the series of broken relationships in adulthood, but one particular relationship, whether that’s a husband, the most trusted friend, that remains “unbreakable”, a sort of a constant ghost behind the scene of your active life that will always be there in the guise of the biggest fan of your life, but remember, only a guise, a facade, because no violation of anyones mental physical emotional rights is ever love – “The Rapist”. This is the person who feeds off your need for validation and basks in the importance you give him/her. In exchange for the tokens of affection, the “rape” of soul mind body continues, you carry on doing that which you were forced to do when you were first interfered with. Except, right now, this seems like the best thing, you have the one person who “approves” of you. And the person might be the one called in to “rescue” you. Maybe your therapist, but definitely guised as your “well wisher”.
Unless and until, the brain of an abused child is rewired, the continuing abuse never becomes apparent. When the victim moves away from victimhood into a whole person as if there was no abuse or rather having integrated that experience as nothing the person was personally responsible for, a whole new person emerges. There is a reclaiming of power, confidence and unshakeable belief in oneself.
The initial wound felt, imprinted on a child’s psyche, sadly will continue to determine life as an adult until a time when a full healing takes place. There will be addictions and then some. And these range from substance abuse to an abuse that is so masked it is almost impossible to pin point – it comes from those that allegedly love you the most – but yet continued to have a claim of your flesh and more under the guise of true pure love. The rape here is of the spirit of you – the essence of you – the innocence of you – that pure love you are.
And as a “love addict”, you cannot resist The Rapist.
Stop the ABUSE
Identify the ADDICTION
Reclaim your POWER
Become YOU
Blessings x
Mama Kee