Oh yes!
Have you noticed how relationships at a distance thrive as well as marriages with a licence for independence? We can tolerate each other only to a certain extent and only be in each other’s space within limits and boundaries. Unless, unless, we are in the inner circle of trust. Have you ever watched, the movie meet the parents? De Niro creates a circle of trust only those that meet a certain criteria can enter – very strict eligibility and oh so subjective!
And aren’t we all?
So what happens when we get too close, like say spouses, partners, children? We literally mimic a similar attachment style that we learnt from our original caregivers. When that level of love is reached as that which was taught to us as children, whatever the associations are, will also be in that relationship, and how we cope, the fights we have, will literally be those issues we have always had. And that is why these super close relationships literally become challenging when there is no structural bond such as family or the “trusted ones”.
At a distance, we can keep our real self safe and hidden. Across that, and in the inner circle, when we feel safe because of the bonding, we can peel the layers of. And then we morph into the self that learnt how to be in close relationships as a child. Here is when these marriages either make it or break it. Some will make it because they managed to authentically work through it, and still stay together, and others may make it because they found other ways to cope, maybe an affair, or excess work, a spiritual journey, and more.
What’s your coping mechanism?
Blessings
Mama Kee x