Aha! We are driven by a web interwoven with stories we have heard of what perfect lives look like; what a happy life means; what a spiritual pursuit is all about; what love means; and most of all what we are or should be, at a given point in our lives even if that means happy or successful, fearful or fearless. Conscious or unconscious. Terms and more terms. No wonder we are mostly trying to get on with what we can although wondering whether we really do have it all or could there be better. These stories still have their way of popping up.
Somewhere in our delicate mind, we have a place that’s our hide out, our little den where we let our imagination out to play. Our imaginative self creates and thrives on wonderful escapades into the unknown and bringing back the spirit of adventure and exploration alive. You are sat on your armchair or on the toilet seat, but your mind takes you to the Galápagos Islands; the beautiful beaches or maybe to a lovely sunrise you watch over the Himalayan ranges.
To dream and to imagine are important tools we have to experience a holiday and exercise our brain as well as create an alternative life parallel, or even recreate life as it is. However, for some of us the dream and imagination may be borne of a need to desperately escape current reality.
Have you ever noticed how little children tend to talk to themselves? Toddlers wander off mumbling away. Some even create creatures and other beings to communicate with. Toddlers speak to their toys or they may play with their doll and act out what happened to them or what they have seen happen in their daily lives.
There is a healthy imagination that we all engage with to create life; and there is an imagination that we use to create a life other than the present one. This is a coping mechanism that many children who might have had less than good enough parenting may have resorted to.
Apart from the imaginary friends and imagination used this way, we will have a salvation fantasy. We dream of freedom, we imagine being taken away from our current life situation as if by magic. A bit like the story of Rapunzel who was finally rescued by a prince. Beauty and the beast. The little girl could see through the ugliness of the beast embrace it and finally came through the Prince. The princess and the frog. It took the kiss of one princess to bring the prince back to life. These are all little stories embedded in our consciousness that we are not aware of in our conscious lives.
Fairy tales are beautiful and magical. They teach a child to imagine and might offer respite to children who may not have such wonderful lives, and even to adults stuck in their childhood who will take more comfort in these genres that perhaps the more shall we say “adult” ones. Of course one can still be mature and an adult and still love the fairies. I know I do. I love magic and the possibilities are endless when you let yourself go with your creative imaginative child like side.
But, to have a salvation fantasy keeps one locked in a state of mind for longer than they need to. You imagine that you will be rescued even past the situation that initialised such a fantasy.
For some the love of a creator or divine being is nothing short of that salvation fantasy. They will look to a divine being to “rescue” them from their life and life situations, that are more likely than not, be on a repeat mode full of the same, if not, similar notes of rout. The root of why the salvation fantasy needs to be worked at.
Today is what happened in your mind yesterday and if in our mind we kept up the vision of a salvation fantasy then life will remain where it is to keep that fantasy alive. Without life remaining in lockdown the salvation fantasy won’t survive for you will have to look at yourself and start living life right now through the cobwebs. To some having the time to stay in the salvation fantasy mode is so important that we forget the kettle has boiled over. We forget that we are always free and will remain shackles as long as we keep ourselves in the boot of our ignorance.
Engaging with a child at all levels is not only necessary but all important to maintaining an intact sense of self and healthy mind. It is beautiful for us to imagine a Prince Charming or a prince rescuing a Cinderella but it is a true miracle of life when we can cut the crap and look at the mirror and say, here I am, I have arrived. Prince Princess or not. Here is the whole of me. I am showing up for me.
It is true that for a trauma survivor whether as a child or an adult, a lot of time is needed to work through the trauma. And that time is not always at our disposal with so many competing demands and so many of us posing in front of the camera to show off a picture perfect life when it’s nothing but. It is simply our life filtered to fit into our target audience but not really our life as most of us don’t have the balls or guts to share life as it truly is.
For me, it took me a long while to really work through my own hell. I had to face my inner demons see why these were there who put them there and what my salvation fantasy was. It took me back to my childhood in our very first home. I felt lonely dejected and very upset a lot. This is where my love for Warren or Keith I cannot recall which one was which. One of these boys rode their bike and I waited to catch a glimpse of one of them everyday. I would sit on a particular side of the dinner table where I know I could see him. I always thought he would notice me and then take me away. He was so handsome and tanned (to the little me)!With lovely golden curls. A similar boy, Benjamin who was our neighbour spent a lot of time with me. We used to bake cookies together, played out in the garden. I wished we could live together. I must have been around 5/6 years old then.
And now, I have no fantasy. Well, it goes a bit like this. I imagine a restful night, a trip to the toilet without a following, and a long bath without so many toys floating in it!! Ha ha.
What is your salvation fantasy? Do you know you might have one? What is it that your imagine the most for most of the time? Or before you sleep? Anything? Please share.
