The latest trend now in almost every conversation quote or anything you log onto for some daily cosmic inspiration is “awareness” and “presence”. Almost every single person guiding parents will talk about engaged presence. A Buddhist monk will advocate a practice of mindfulness by inculcating an active presence in daily life. If you believe in the power of now that will come also with an awareness of the here and now, and being engaged in the present moment as your only reality.
We are all so connected no matter what our social makeup or belief systems that what is realised is realised across the continuum of the whole of us perhaps translated in whatever mindset at the time. At present times, presence is all important. Awareness is touted around too and as a key ingredient to living life fully, as an active participant and co creator of your divinity and whole reality which includes everything. We have facets and aspects. Aspects are of our facets of being and the facets are of our being.
But, today’s post is not a spiritual or metaphysical lecture. Ooooof, there’s an excess of information on that all around us, and that’s the most ironic thing. The irony being that what’s us is so no known to us that it’s got to be spelt out loud and clear to us by others and the others can’t just be our next door neighbour buts it’s got to be a zen master a realised master so much so then the master must come fully certified and with a following. HA! The whole thing is a shambles. Just like a lot of stuff that we are learning which in fact in contained inside of us but finding the key to unlock that is too much bother in a digital age of insta gratification insta highs and insta self realisation!!!!
What’s the whole mambo jambo then about awareness and presence?
Awareness is a how we perceive us each other and all else. But we cannot be aware unless we are fully there. Make sense? Awareness and presence go hand in hand otherwise it’s like a half baked pie that you could probably get away with eating the crust of and feel ah that was a good enough meal. But why settle for good enough and make statements that will keep you locked in your current not so good enough state of awareness. Even with the pie half baked you still ate the crust of it and really couldn’t care less for what is not baked, it doesn’t bother you because chances are you don’t even know it’s unbaked. You might feel your hunger still needs appeasing and so you feast on the unbaked part too thinking it’s palatable. A few hours later, guess what? Your stomach starts to hurt and you cry and you cry. You can’t see that your half baked pie might have caused a tummy upset. You still think that your cooking is just so healthy and nutritious that it can’t be that.
Your mind then looks around for anything that it can find to keep you locked in your level of awareness and mindset. Aha you think, it must be the flour you used perhaps that had gone off. You check the sell by date and it’s well within it. Still hell bent on not looking at your half baked pie or thinking you might have something to do with this, you go on to file a complaint to the manufacturer of the company who are just so willing to oblige and send you a total refund of the flour. Mind satisfied. Zero progress. Total lockdown.
We are only aware to the extent of our presence to every part of us. Yes we have the mind, the spirit, the body, the energetic body and our consciousness. To be aware you will need a working with presence to all of these facets. Some of us will be more spiritually inclined whilst others very scientific. Others will teach and practice psychotherapy some brain science. The list goes on and many many offshoots they are from this. To have a fully functional awareness, a totality of presence is vital to the whole of you and the parts of you.
Did you know that you are probably lying most of the time but are not aware of that? You might want to say something but you tailor it to sound like something else to keep you locked in your limited sense of self. Why? Fear. Fear? What but we are fearless. Perhaps the fear comes not from your present but from a past or a time when you got scared but didn’t grieve that or acknowledge it incorporating that into your story of self.
Today I received a telephone call from an unknown caller. My immediate reaction was to answer that against my gut instinct which was to leave it so that I could carry on with the lunch preparation for my little bubba. It was a friend who said he had to call under a different number to get my attention. I explained that I have them in mid to speak to albeit at a later date and time when we have little distraction so that our communication is effective and authentic. I generally tend to turn all notifications on the mobiles off when bubba is awake so that my focus is on him and I am fully attentive and present to his needs those that he might openly display and those that he may not.
For me to be present, I must remain free from distractions. You might think that a little message here and there won’t play any havoc with your brain but it does. It takes away your focus to that. It will park itself and you might find that while washing the dishes, with bubba right behind you playing with his tools on the kitchen floor, your mind goes to that message. For that moment you have lost presence.
Without presence and awareness you are more or less a live zombie going from one task to another daily. One call one more tweet one more following one more insta post. One more recipe to post! Social media is not the problem at all. It’s the power that we have given away of ours for it to validate us that is the real problem. Social media if used as a social tool can be a fantastic way of expanding your awareness but as long as your awareness of you is fully engaged and yours. Otherwise you get muddled up in all the other stories and forget your own signature.
Being fully present and engaged gives you the gift of stillness; of finding other salient parts of you. You can really live right now and in that moment when you stop the noise and declutter.
I carried out an experiment here the other day with little bubba. He has never watched tv and is now almost 2. The last time I watched a whole movie or any tv was before bubba came during my pregnancy. And that too in my alone time. The other day I thought let’s see what bubba does if I switch in the tv. It was a little tricky at first as the whole system needed rebooting since it had been that long. He looked at the screen thought oh ok, and then went back to his own tools and exploration even the outdoors. He simply had no interest. I left the box on the next day for the whole day again just to experiment and no interest again was shown by little bubba. And it didn’t distract either of us but my awareness of it being on and in the background was there.
Our psyche and all of its layers is a bit like that too. To live fully connected these layers need to be accessed. Being aware of why you are and what your subtle thoughts processes are. What drives you? Are you carrying toxic shame? Are you scared? Do we ever tell our dear friends that we are scared that they will leave us if we don’t call them as often as they want us to? Do we ever say to each other that I said this because of this and this is where I was back then and this is me now? Do we even know where we are?
Our presence and awareness keeps us focused on what is happening right now. That very same focus will help you look at you and ask the right questions about you. Your presence will help you notice any bodily sensations if you are about to ghee a speech for example and you will know ah it’s my nerves but I am not nervous so you know how to self soothe.
How we parent really depends on how aware we are and how present we are both of what’s ours and what’s theirs. Children are live in triggers. They will tear you apart until you sit and look at yourself to see that they are triggering what’s always been inside of you and not causing a novel reaction in you.
Our infants are not the problem; our lack of awareness and presence is. Anything that you do, fully engaged with total presence and absolute awareness will bring you a sense of wholeness.
Don’t take the children for granted just because they are there; and not for granted take you either for there is a whole world yet to be explored inside of you and the world you see outside will get even more colourful if you can just stop and see.
We cannot be aware of our children’s needs and how they are affected by us and their surroundings without an engaged presence with us in relation to them and our environment. Awareness into yourself will ground you in the here and now present to you.
