Well it was that time again when bubba wakes up and I had to leave out some of the other points in the post earlier today.
So what about the number One?
Loneliness is a very natural part of our journeys into wholeness whether we call that spiritual awakening or wholeness or mindfulness or nirvana.
Let me give you a parallel if you may. When a baby is conceived right up to around 18 months or at least just before toddlerhood, they are pretty much at point zero, at the potential stage. Their new willingness to explore their environment now that they can crawl brings that will into action. The will in the infant is to want to know themselves in relation to their environment and therefore themselves, and then the creative force in this case is the crawling to whet their appetite to explore. From this point onwards they operate at number One. Here it’s about gaining a sense of self apart from mama. They will no longer see themselves as an extension of mama but a separate person capable of doing stuff on their own and have their own mind and will to.
At the number One stage of infancy, the old paradigm of parenting was about limiting this infants budding will so that the infant does not gain too much of an independent mind lest they turn out to be too much to handle or shall we say it as it is, too much to control! Alongside this, the norm then (and sadly is with some automatic parenting) was also not to hold your infant too much as that was seen to create a dependency and limit their interest in gaining self mastery including being able to self soothe in times of distress, yes I mean distress. Just imagine that! When the infant shuts down and you think voila they are so independent now and your method worked, ermmm think again, it didn’t, they have just learnt that their need can neither be understood nor be fulfilled.
Remember as the infant is gaining their sense of self they will also want to know that you are still fully present and totally on tap to them in their fully codependent moments. I use the word “codependent” here deliberately.
At point zero most memories are stored as images, and there is a lot more of feelings and less thinking and much less of a mindset yet. This is when seeds are sown.
Now fast forward to current time. We are faced with a loneliness or at least a sense of hollowness that you cannot explain. You might consider a vitamin deficiency and even that doesn’t solve this mystery. Your life is picture perfect but this feeling won’t leave you. And it might even haunt you most when your kids are at school and the other half is away too that is after you have exhausted all your me time and to do lists. Hopefully there will some time left over. If not, get creative and get some of that empty time. Notice how you feel.
That loneliness has got to be embraced for it is the number one. It feels uncomfortable when at number One when an infant we did not received our dependency rights. These were thwarted as being too needy or too much. And maybe not so outrightly but even in body language because remember before the words come in infants are totally absorbent of everything. They sniff out what you might not even know. This will explain why you might think of something and before you open your mouth they are doing that exact same thing. One mother shared that her bubba started doing the laundry just when she thought she would like to get the laundry done. In my case I wanted to light some incense and before I could say it, my bubba was already in there getting the incense sticks out.
For those of us who feel totally at ease with being on their own and can manifest their desires quite easily have either done their inner work be it this lifetime another or a parallel one, or they are number One as infants had a secure attachment, there would have been zero fear of abandonment or rejection. Those who were left prematurely to simply get on with the learning might also hesitate embracing loneliness and being alone for fear of failure for fear of feeling overwhelmed with their abandonment depression.
Then there is another kind of loneliness that’s pertinent to us as simply manifest, and that’s our deep longing to attach to our creator, God, or whoever you think creator is to you. We feel the wound of separation. This is mirrored by the wound the newborn feels when he is torn away from the womb.
We cannot reach these wounds be those stemming from unmet infantile needs or those of a feeling of disconnect from spirit without embracing loneliness. From Two or more you get into One and through One you cross over to Point Zero. It is at this very point where there is no mind that we can hone in our unbridled creative potential.
Loneliness is a gift, a calling card to say, here I am, let’s walk back into your potential.
You cannot feel the magnitude of this loneliness without solitude. It’s a solitude that has no distractions which is why you might even have to meditate your thoughts into no thoughts although simply being there in your own skin without any form of soothing might just do the trick.
Loneliness is a boon from the divine for you to heal and recognise your number One, that is, You. We cannot be Two or more by getting lost in each other. That is just codependent, at best and worst a method employed by most very automatically to meet unmet receiving of unconditional love and secure attachment at infancy. You are only going to attract that which you are and if you are not a whole number One, you will only get pieces of life too.
You cannot seek completion outside of you, yes, you can be complemented but not completed.
If you like we move sort of like this;
0
1
11
111
1111
11111
However, this seldom in this case so that all the whole numbers are replaced with fractions and decimals.
An infant needs anything but solitude and it is of utmost importance that they never bear the cross of loneliness for they will and they do live with abandonment depression most of their lives not knowing this till spirit intervenes or just till till.
The power of now can’t work unless you embrace your resistance to the present. Ask yourself why the resistance and where’s the root? We cannot manifest at a decimal or fraction unless that’s what we want. If you want to attach whole numbers then become whole.
Embrace the basis and basics of you at number One – no ritual no affirmation no poetry no tv nothing at all. Just you with you. No walk. Just you in your cave. Walk if you must but alone and deserted, the post being to hone in to this deep seated loneliness at the root of us that keeps us engaged with so much noise and clutter.
Give your infants the space to be and they will bring their own sense of self. Told what to do, infants and children move away from their natural abilities and learn early not to be themselves but pick a garb that suits their mamas papas teachers and more. And then 40 years later or so they can’t make sense of their patterns.
Let’s do ourselves and our children a justice by giving them unconditional love on tap being present fully connected and there totally. They need to know they are loved not you as parent knowing you love them. When they feel that total acceptance of themselves they will accept themselves easily in their later lives.
Look around you. Notice the state of the world. Everyone is looking for something even when they say they are not, after all it’s innate for us to bring our connection to spirit back at least our conscious awareness of spirit because spirit is always there fully awake. The awakening happens to us the being the organism to what we come from which is spirit, our point Zero.
Be scared if you may and see your self through the fear the shame the guilt and more rather than avoid this. Get inside of you and embrace the mess if it’s there or just embrace you.
Bring the totality of you to the fore let us all see the shining life of you on the canvas you present to you and us.
Canvas you will find when alone and lonely you can be so zero you get to know!