Happy to be alive I am happy to live I am but happy I am as long as I have I hold I am had and I am held.
What happens when I don’t have and I am not held or holding? We have built a concept of who we think we are and very seldom dare to lose our hold on life as we know it or life’s holding on us. We might turn to a book and as long as that book is on and feeding our need, we might even act out what it says and relate to it. As a parent if you are struggling to parent a book might help but only as long as the book is on unless you are able to shift something within.
Similarly, when we attend a workshop for self analysis or a yoga class, enter a period of fasting or retreat, as long as this is there, you might even feel exalted and elevated. But how real that feeling is and whether it is more than a feeling can only be experienced behind the interface. Only in solitude. This perhaps is the basis of meditating alone or taking off the world radar into a space unknown to any knowns so that you can figure stuff out.
When we experience trauma we might seek help in the form of counselling. This will help as long as the counselling is still on tap ready to fill your need unless you manage to excavate and really figure out yourself without this. You will have to ride it alone eventually because it really is down to you to get you. Nobody else will get you, only you and you alone.
Without any form of artificial stimulation or a needs filler, you can hone into why you have these needs what they are and why they are filled only by x y or z. But how many times do you give yourself a chance to do this apart from a paid course you might attend? Does it stem from childhood the need to be told and guided? Why can’t we guide ourselves and simply be?
Do we need to learn how to look after ourselves? Self care? Is that even a thing? Eating well? Can’t we just do this without being told? Or is the telling and receiving guidance another way of mimicking our childhoods?
After all, we are conditioned to be conditioned. We are always in wanting and in needing. We can feel happy but not feel peaceful. We can look like a picture of health because it’s how we want to be perceived but take away all that makes us feel healthy such as a vegan or a raw diet, and your feeling of well-being and health goes. Why?
Most of the states we feel are all dependent on something. Are we once again reliving the dependency we had in our parents or caregivers? Is that why we all try and meet the expectations of each other or even of our so called drive to care for our self and self alone?
How much make up is worn in order to project an idea of you, a concept of you, but not “you”? If you are an emotional mess then be one but don’t feel you have to cover it up. You will definitely find someone to accept that because the one that is guaranteed to is you. But we have moved from the value of the “you” that will accept the “you” because how the others value us is what we think is our value. We may not behave in a way that we think our self worth or value is dictated by how many clients we have or how many people like you, but the fact that we even have to cover up the mess, is testament to how well we are at the mercy of made up emotional regulators. These are there only to keep up the facade of a sense of self that is false and merely there as a reactive state to fit in.
When we go out to show each other how happy we are and how alive we feel, what are we really doing? Do we need to prove that we are really so happy or are we actually so so unhappy that we need to shout that loud to say the opposite! Let’s be real. Let’s come down to Earth. Let’s get down and dirty into the phase of deconstructing the psyche of you as others know it to a whole you that is you and how you want to present yourself to others.
Think of 5 things you are ashamed of. Can’t think. Think again. It will come, just be aware of these and see if you can trace them back to source and then forward into how your life has been shaped by these or around these.
Are you ready to uncover unpeel and let the Earth below fall apart?