I often wondered why I felt the way I did and others felt the way the did. More often than not my feelings seemed to always be more out there than other people. Whether I was at school university or at work with friends family or my peers I just had so much feeling. I felt a lot and I still feel a lot. If anything I am a complete and utter bundle of feelings that might not look so organised at times but are just there and bare for all and sundry!
Feelings are like a compass, an emotion is a bunch of feelings. What I have noticed thought is how little we feel as we “mature” and “age”. Our feelings become very “other” centred and the focus is how others feel about us, or what others are doing to make us feel a certain way. There is very little of “I feel” and a lot more of “you make me feel”. Apart from this, there is only the masking of us that has taken us away from the “I feel”. We don’t want to feel from the “I” or maybe we can’t. What is it?
There has been a recent culture of not feeling the vibe of a certain people or place and moving away so that you stop that feeling. Very rarely will there be an examination of the why you are feeling that way. Could it be that whatever you think makes you feel a particular way, might be taking you back into a similar feeling something else in unresolved parts of your past might have evoked? So are we feeling right now in real time or right now in the past?
Could the vibes or energy we pick up be a reflection of stuff inside of us? And aren’t these vibes and energy pretty subjective? After all aren’t we a product of subjective perception? It takes a good hard look within to get to a point that is neutral or at least to a vantage point of expanded awareness. What this means is that before you draw your conclusions, pull the rug under the feet of close friends without notice because you feel they let you down or are no longer your brethren and kin, or walk away from a potential great love, with the awareness, you have and can create some space to breath in which you can pause and ask yourself whether there’s a past emotion that this is bringing up for you.
But it’s hard to do for most of us because we are not in touch with our very deep feelings. These feelings are those that we as toddlers babies and children have. At that stage we have not built any defence mechanisms to protect ourselves. As we experience life and maybe get a few jolts, we might build walls around our heart. This will take us farther away from the “I feel” that comes from a place of “I” as opposed to your response to a life situation or person or place.
How do we feel primarily or from the origin of us as opposed to the layered self? This is indeed one of those that require active self analysis at each moment you feel challenged or indeed receive feedback from life people places and your children.
The entire direction our little bubba who is a bundle of feelings will take, will depend on our own approach to our own feelings. Do we stop them from emoting? Do we prevent them from crying? Do we look down on their tears as a sign of weakness? Can you look at any parts of your parenting or how you were parented that might have inhibited a flow of feelings?
Yes we may not have full blown tantrums like toddlers do but we do these in our own “adult” ways. Can you think of yours?