The isolation that comes
with becoming a new parent really is striking; nothing prepares you for that sense of being alone. You could be surrounded by so many others including your other half but when you are holding your little one to the breast in the middle of the night, or even in the day time when nobody else is around then, as much as these times bring their moments of love and ecstasy, they also carry a daunting heaviness in the heart. A new mama has just had a huge transition in her entire body. The whole chemical set up is off balance. It’s no wonder that so many women suffer from post natal depression, and most go undiagnosed which might leave a lot of women experiencing more than normal anxiety as new mothers.
When a mama becomes a mama what’s most important is to have a cocoon of love and support around her so she can fully attend to her little bubba. Not all mamas though immediately form a bond, many mamas struggle to connect with their babies. Others find it natural and go with that flow.
What happens to mamas who are unable to feel connected with their little bubba’s? And what of those mamas who connect with their little ones but don’t have the support around them and might find their milk drying up earlier than they would have liked because they are too stressed? Or mamas who are connected but are divided between their spouse other children and their own wishes and desires to be more than a mama and pursue their careers? Some mamas just want to be with their bubba all the time and the sheer intensity of it all might blow them over and this in itself might make them feel overwhelmed and chaotic. One mama might say let the baby cry it out it’s good they will learn to self soothe; another might say I want my baby to start nursery at 6 months old as I want time for myself; and more disparities exist.
Why is there such a divide in how mamas respond to their little ones? Is there an essentially universal feeling or a bond that comes from giving birth between the mama and the baby? How attuned to our Self must we be to get to the natural drive to mother our offspring? Is the divide in mothering a result of our own infancy? Perhaps of how near or far we are from our original self?
What will drive some mamas to leave a toxic marriage to save their offspring; and other mamas to stay in the same marriage regardless of how this may effect the offspring? We know now that any exposure of discord and especially if it’s ongoing can interfere with the child’s natural development.
My own experience tells me that our babies are our priority and the type of care they need is one that a part time parent can simply not provide. They need constant love care and a lot of respect. What does it take for us to put a child’s needs first? And think in terms of what’s in their best interests? After all if we are going to have them then to be vested in them fully is at the very least what is required, or is that asking for too much? Our infants can’t even vocalise their needs but we tailor the fulfilment of these needs to what we think they ought to be and what is convenient to us. When did our culture suddenly move from putting their needs first to putting the needs of the overly stressed and stretched parent first? Is this because more mamas work and want to continue even after child birth after all the nursery or tablet can step in to do the parenting?
How much of how infants are supposed to be treated was taught to us by our own parents and society to some extent will determine how we parent?
Why does looking after our babies infants children get us so stressed? What in us says that is the way it is? Brain wiring? Or we have too many needs of our own and demands of how we want our lives to be and that the infants will simply be set to fit around these?
What will it take for us to keep our babies and infants at the fore of us? Do we wait till we have healed our wounds as babies or heal these while we have babies and see to it we are not continuing with the legacy or wait till they grow up and not want to give us our day as parents?
Many questions today …..