It amazes me and fills me with joy when I watch how my little bubba prompts me teases me and almost sets me up to grow and really feel my own core. It is not like a “who I am within feeling” but something bigger deeper and profound. It comes with an aftertaste of feeling supported taken care of and very loved. How can this little bundle make me feel so deeply loved and fulfilled? I thought it is down to us to express our love for them. Seldom did I think that they show us a love that is unique and unconditional. And I thought that their dependency on us is just that and not love as they aren’t capable of understanding and even giving love. Even a physical need for food shelter clothing and protection from predators doesn’t explain that deeper feeling.
How does someone so little ignite in you such a power to look within steadfastly to heal your own wounds so that you won’t in turn inadvertently wound your little one? And how does this little person even know when to come and give you kisses cuddles when you feel down. How does he manage to read all of this without a fully formed brain? Yes of course it’s fundamental to their need to survive to study us like hawks but even that cannot explain a feeling beyond the physical.
When we let go of how things “should” be including how our children ought to behave and our own expectations of how we “should” parent, this paves the way of greater ease and receptivity. When we are open we can witness another hand at work. That of the divine.
Since my little one came, I have been on an accelerated integration of my ascension self, taking with me all of my experiences, and tearing myself apart so that I can point to parts of me that call for some soothing. When we feel soothed and safe we can relax into an open receptivity. Initially when bubba came I worked from an existing paradigm set in my psyche borne out my own babyhood and modelling set by my caregivers. Perhaps the love my bubba invoked in me, or I in him or both, lit a fire inside of me that said, “NO” to this automatic way of responding to my baby. Or perhaps it was my own evolution prior to little bubba.
Having moved into the middle ground of neither too tough nor too loose, I have found one recurring theme. And this one has to do with trusting divine providence and divine intelligence that all that happens is for our highest good. The trust is also about knowing that whichever way our day runs, whether we are in a routine or not, whether we do an activity or not, sleep disruptions and all else, things are going just the way they are designed to go. This takes a lot of trust and that trust comes when you begin to notice synchronous happenings all around you and your life.
For example, for us, the pandemic has meant that we spend a lot of time together which I doubt would have been any different. However, there is less pressure to perhaps go out, or justify to my mind why we aren’t going out. The time we have had has been a time for healing the past, integrating it, and building a relationship with little bubba. I thought healing the past and any inner child stuff was already done before bubba arrived. How wrong I was. Never before did I have to live with a constant trigger that I cannot live without or one I can simply switch off. I have no choice but to study the root of my own response to him and to our daily situations including any interactions with others parents friends family and outsiders.
Initially I really thought I needed to up my game a bit more in the activity department for bubba. I looked around and felt so incompetent when I saw how much other parents were doing for their kids. And to add salt to my wounds the internet didn’t help either. It is full of activities and ideas not to mention super mums who have activities daily, create things out of cardboards and more. Yes I was already making him wooden toys and more but I couldn’t help feeling I was doing too little. Oh my the pressure we feel when we compare! You would think we know better not to compare but nope we don’t. Our brain is wired like that as long as our self esteem is not sorted. And we do this by employing the use of a construction digger so we can get understand the root and plant a different sort of root that more reflects us in the now.
BUT I had to feel incompetent. I had to go through the motions of feeling not good enough or even a lazy mama despite knowing I am not. These brought out the real me from the rotting woodworks. I thought instead of setting up activities with rigidity as a thing that simply had to be done, how about I make the daily chores and the house itself a whole activity especially as I could do without any housework after my evening shower and whole day of parenting? Little bubba cleans more than I do now! He learns his fine motor skills with little things like sorting out the cotton wicks or pulling a string he might find.
Activities are usually aimed at refining an age and developmentally appropriate skill for kids. These don’t have to take much effort and can be incorporated in all the things you need to sort out around the house as long as you remain present engaged and communicative with your child as opposed to getting soaked in your housework. And yes when you can, setting up activities is also great and lots of fun. Do it because you want to as opposed to what you think is good for the little bubba or what others think is. The only thing that matters the most to age three is your relationship with them. This is where theirs attachment style is birthed. For example if you are too focused on teaching bubba daily in a classroom style or keep wanting him to learn what is formatted ask yourself whether you feel insecure about your educational professional and academic background. Or maybe setting up activities and structuring the day around bubba means you don’t have to say no or deal with the constant leg pulling whining and all else devised to coax you out of whatever else you might be attending to. Boundaries are a good thing for bubba if not a necessity. Without these the child might become overly self directed and have little if any respect for authority. I think it’s brilliant for children to be self directed and indecent albeit in a way that is controlled so that the adult to be will not become defiant or narcissistic. Again trust that your are divinely led even if it means making a lot of mistakes along the way.
Almost every interaction and every moment comes with an opportunity to surrender release and trust. Today for example my little one didn’t have a good nap in the day because the next door neighbour had their gardener in and the sound of the lawn mower was jarring even to me. His sleep was disturbed. We still carried on and had a fabulous day and he managed to knock off with minimal fuss.
If you keep getting frustrated that your bubba is so fussy at lunch and you spent ages on perfecting it following recipes then trusting that and allowing what comes might ease your mood. When things aren’t going to timer trust they are going to divine timing.
Even when the day is filled to the brim and you think I will never make it on time for bath and nap, somehow, you always do. Things will always work out.
A little trust will create a lovely space in your head and heart with little effort. Your soul longs to express itself with freedom and high viscosity. Let it. Fly. Take a chance.
Just Be.