So it’s been one of those days today…
Bubba has had a routine from around 3 months except it took me a little while to figure it out for I was more in tune with my own insistence and rigidity of how things ought to be as opposed to the actual way of how they are at real time led by baby!
When we did get there things ran smoothly. Being in tune means we are both in a constant flow and can read each other quite easily without much delay. This doesn’t mean we don’t have communication problems. Sometimes we do but we are in tune and these are resolved pretty swiftly too.
Because he doesn’t have language to verbalise his needs, he cannot tell me what’s up on the days when the routine just won’t happen. So what do I do?!
Today, having had a great sleep at night, we woke up feeling refreshed, at least I know I did, maybe Aaran did or didn’t but he was cheerful and his happy self ready to take the world over starting with baby steps so with the turning of and on the lamps on. And rewiring some of the electrical gadgets, turning the keys in the lock, and trying on mamas range of perfumes to using her lipsticks and eye pencils to mark the dressers. It’s what we do right?
We had a normal morning, but, about half an hour off schedule although within the window I give myself for manoeuvre. We opened the curtains, the doggies went out to their morning call, and their new pigeon hunt expedition, while I started with the porridge. Bubba helped with taking the clothes out of the dryer into laundry basket and the ones from the washing machine into the dryer.
He also did his usual rounds with getting some saucepans on his play kitchen hob like mama does in the morning on ours. And then the idea of getting his dishes washed in his sink struck asking and pleading for his water tank to be filled. He even pointed at the play smock to wear, got the towels and cloths ready to drape the floors with. And at that time within seconds I assessed whether I could heck the after mess now or wait after breakfast. I suggested to him that we could perhaps play with water after but he didn’t think much of it so I thought oh well that’s fine at least he will have fun and I can start with stewing the apple and pear for brunch too and getting the parsnips and carrots ready too.
Breakfast was ready and bubba on his own took the towels off the floor started packing up and wiping away any spills. I thought phew! Next thing he emptied what was in his play kitchen sink onto the play kitchen washing machine!!!!! My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets well in my mind at least. I managed to keep smiling and then it turned into a real smile and laughter!
We had breakfast as usual as did the doggies. Bubba is going through a phase where he doesn’t want to be assisted on or off the chair but wants to do it alone and climb atop the table for a few moments and then come back down again.
And then I did my morning pages with chai in the playroom while bubba scribbled too and played with his puzzles.
We moved on to the art station for some painting on khadi paper and bubba relished in squeezing acrylic paints all over; we painted blocks and the art station too!
This took us to our time to have a snack which was parsnip and banana. After that the doggies went to their bedroom and we proceeded to the upstairs for nap time at the usual time.
Bubba has his own routine before he naps which is to envelope himself in the curtains play hide and seek, hide in his tippee tent, we wash his face and hands, have a drink if needed and then on the bed for a story and nap!!! Ha ha ha. Today, however, it didn’t quite happen that way.
After tucking Bubba to sleep, I sat on the arm chair catching up with reading. He would hide under his blanket and gesture me to look at him smiling away. This went on for a few minutes until I said right this had got to end little man!! Nothing worked. I went downstairs thrice. Nada. It was now more than an hour and a half, in fact almost the time when we would normally have our lunch, and that’s when I had to take an alternative.
Here I was faced with a dilemma. I was obviously tired, and I knew that Bubba would get over tired and had already crossed into that zone. I cooked up an idea that might help. I thought I will make myself a cup of chai, sit in the playroom, keep the whole atmosphere very low key and after that get lunch ready.
In my head I was thinking if I get him to fall asleep anytime even after lunch that means his bedtime will be very late at least here, and that will eat into my “me” time when I like to have a date with the child artist in me, and make little treasures for Bubba. At the same time I knew that Bubba would really need to nap for the quality of his night sleep depends on that.
I thought I would gauge it. I tuned into Bubba throughout watching him like a hawk and knew whilst he seemed alert and happy he was super tired. So what happened next?
We came straight up after lunch played very lightly and then within a few minutes he conked out!! Ha ha. And I went downstairs did a few bits came upstairs and sat my derrière.
As long as I gave myself that space which was the chai before lunch, it created respite for my stress response. I was able to tone down any stress. I know that Bubba will bounce back tomorrow and that’s because his routine is well engaged.
Sometimes, they go through phases and incredible developmental spurts that interrupt sleep patterns. The key is to totally surrender, relax and know that it’s a phase that will pass all the while staying as close to routine and structure.
The structure helps them navigate through the days without being fearful or shocked at anything not in their norm. Toddlers are prone to melt downs even when what they are used to suddenly disappears.
I know I may not have my “me” time later so I might just draw or paint now or simply stay in my own stillness. Being too rigid or overwhelmed makes a poor parent and an even poorer kid! The best feeling though is that I conquered the rigidity in me today. And I also feel centred and good in having placed the needs of bubba ahead of mine and ensuring that I didn’t feel overwhelmed either. It’s just a day after all!
Sometimes it’s so easy to get too involved in the nitty gritty and fall apart when things don’t go to plan. Bubba fell apart after he took the rubbish out today because I stopped him from playing outside. I limited his fun filled expedition and that might have frustrated him a lot because he had a melt down. I went down on my knees stroked his back and tried to calm him down. At this stage trying to reason with him wouldn’t work. We did that after he calmed down.
Just like little bubba, we also have our melt downs when we stick to how things ought to be or cannot stick to how we want things to be. Either we are too fixed or we are too variable. Getting a balance is one of the tools we have in getting atop of our own minds and brains as well as those of our little ones.
When we don’t, we pass that on to them and the legacy continues until your grandma tells you that your mama is too rigid, and you think ermmm but mama says that about her too!!! And these stances are a breeding ground for a host of parasites that we explore on this site.
Sending you love
Mama