When the awakening starts to gnaw at the personality and the individuate identity, the deconstruction of the ego is unbearable. This can take a moment to days months and even years. You might feel it intermittently until it dissipates.
You might feel extreme bouts of loneliness, of despair and even total darkness when the ego starts to crumble. After all, till now you have only known yourself through the social constructs, your personality, family friends and life situations. All that falls off, and you see yourself bare down.
You feel choked at the throat; you wail and cry asking yourself why. As even when this passes it leaves you drained and not knowing how to start again because you no longer have an modus operandi of your. You are in the black hole.
Who are you now?
Nothing.
The state of nothingness sometimes becomes dark night of the soul. You cannot share this with someone, you don’t know where to go or whom to consult. You feel isolated and question whether this is real and if you will ever get through this.
You will.
This will pass.
It is scary, but, that fear is not real. It feels so real, but, it’s illusionary and ultimately illuminating.
Blessings x