I see lots of folks are out and about enjoying the blue skies and lovely weather; still a bit too chilly for me and my toes though. Without the frosty showers my body has become a little more sensitive to the cold. Cold showers are great for our vagus nerve. Look it up for more information and while you are at it you can get the Polyvagal theory by Porgess, he is the man who discovered the whole vagus. It’s very very interesting when we understand parts of our body and how even those seek unity or social interaction and thrive when we are many as opposed to one.
Our brains develop with the social interactions. The very first one we have is with our mama. She really does carry in her the power to really impress upon us and shape what love means. Our Papa on the other hand will also influence us but at a later period well at least the strength of his presence is not felt until later. I just read a piece of science that confirms that women are just wired differently to be able to mother. You can find that here: https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2020/05/05/parenting/mommy-brain-science.amp.html
In recent times we have all formed clusters and not just as a result of the pandemic; these have been happening all around. We seek to belong to a tribe a clan a family with a common purpose that holds us together. It’s a natural feeling. What happens then to some of us that don’t feel so inclined? We don’t want to belong to any particular clan but feel connected to the whole universe; or we simply want to be left alone yet seek company but on our terms; or maybe we don’t feel the need to be alone or with others that it’s just a fluid state of being that you can flow through.
What makes some of us more socially inclined than others? Whilst we do need a degree of solitude generally and at times a longer than period, being social beings, why then would that social interaction become so cumbersome to some? What makes us want to socially distance? And what’s us break current social distancing laws and guidance?
An infant thrives on social interaction although being in a park or nursery or a beach is not necessary and neither should it be used to justify the need for socialisation. The socialisation just happens and will continue to as we are built that way. We are social. Have you noticed how you might get an even better idea or feel more motivated after speaking to someone or getting some feedback from another person as opposed to going solo? The more exposed we are from a tender age to a positive social context the more our brains will develop. We build maps.
The initial social interactions with mama can determine the openness of the infant in engaging with others. When a mama is in tune and responsive, bubba is more than likely to be the same with others provided that mama is also responsive to everyone else. When mama is friendly with strangers like the parcel delivery man, bubba will not hesitate to say hello or will at least not be scared although he might still hide behind mama. Hiding is great it also reflects on a secure attachment with mama.
On the other hand when bubba is exposed to negative social interactions such as arguments hot tempers domestic violence and all else you can imagine, that will impede the social brain and create a hyper sensitive response to social interaction. Such children might grow to become very paranoid or vigilant or stressed. They might even become introverted. A child care setting from the early days might even be a life saviour to the little bubba if things are not so great at home. He will get an attachment figure (note that the primary caregiver must remain consistent) which is paramount to an infants growth and development. They need to bond to thrive.
When we grow into an insecure person stemming from a less than infancy such that a secure attachment was lacking, we might seek social interaction for attention and validation. The very same insecurity might seek social interaction for fear of loneliness and as a means of distraction from the looking at the root of why they are like this. Most of the time we don’t even know we are doing this. Right now people would rather break the social distancing rules than break their social circles. They cannot be alone at all. And some admit that this creates havoc with their mental health.
The havoc with mental health is an opportunity to look into the why this happens.
Another set of us may reject social interactions and even distance themselves emotionally to avoid getting rejection and for fear of being abandoned. Only their fear comes from being abandoned as infants and children. They will keep themselves guarded and limit themselves to their mother replacement figures.
On the other hand, those of us comfortable both with ourselves in our families or even not, and in social contexts, might have come from a more secure base in infancy. When we feel secure within in matters not what happens around us. We don’t need to be around others or not be around others.
The most important interaction is the one you have with yourself; how quick you can summon yourself to you, is how you were socialised at infancy. Attachment with mama and our primary caregivers might just explain our codependency and in some their need for total independence in relationships.
Something to think about. Are you securely attached? Is your child secure? Are we as parents planting seeds of insecurity or security?