Boots off coats hung and well ermmm will deal with the mud in the hallway later, wait it’s time to prepare lunch, and then put them all to sleep, what about the mud? Oh never mind that. “So sorry to inform you miss but we really need to sell the house and that means you will have to find somewhere else to park your arse!!!”, “say what!!!” Are you really serious? What – so now not only am I expected to put the food on the table, make sure my toddler not only survives but thrives, get the dogs a decent meal and some cuddles too, and have a shower ermmm maybe once a week, not you want me to look for a hoise?????? How?????
Okay so a little stressful right? Enough to get you looking for a new place to call home? Yep. Only, you find yourself suddenly down deep under buried inside a rabbit hole. Your daily walks are out of the routine. Your toddler sees nothing but the tv. You are all eating out of a paid kitchen and mostly throwing food away. Your temperament has suddenly moved from peaceful calm zen to erghhh get out of my space my face and me. Wait, does this life situation really deserve the fuel I am giving it?
Okay, so maybe for you it’s not a house move, maybe a divorce? A cancelled client. A failed business plan. How much tilting off the balance is okay and when do we need intervention? How much stress is necessary and when do we know we are over the stress limit?
Or are we so desensitised that we don’t even know we are in our stress response already and therefore regressing back into our reptilian protective brain that senses danger as opposed to our rational brain that recognises what danger is?
Most of us live life at a particular level of stress that is far far too high but we accept it as being the norm, so much so, that when we have a meltdown or a burnout at work, yes the signs were there but our acceptance of this level of stress being the norm or not even recognising the pressure our minds and bodies are under, we just kept going.
We have almost lost the awareness to our own stress response and therefore need the caffeine to kickstart the cortisol or what it takes to get into action. So we need a higher dose of the stressor to move into action.
Have you noticed how you will only act when you are under pressure? And when the pressure of off how you will keep putting things off?
A job acts as pressure. Your wife at home who has been asking that you paint the chipped wall in the kitchen might not give you that kick to start action, why? You don’t feel that pressure or rather that stress. She might say you take her for granted and maybe so but it’s really down to how our brains are wired.
How many times are toddlers “directed” into action that is pleasing to the parent? Our attitude towards authority is melded at this stage. Is the toddler a self starter or does he need to be pushed into exploring? Is he scared of exploring for fear of being punished? Are there too many hindrances for self initiation to discover explore and relish in the new and exciting?
With the independence gained so early in an environment that is full of possibilities the child has a Will to explore. The sort of stress the child might encounter is frustration when blocks fall or when they can’t do things they want to, but a parent who validates their frustration and gives them space to try again, is encouraging them to learn to use that level of stress to progress as opposed to get stuck in that stress or let it take over so much so that they can’t rationalise. This is where we become their container and simply make space for them to be. If we react negatively, their stress turns into fear which later translates as fear of authority, lack of trust in authority, and even rebelling.
When we have lived lives with chronic stress as children we become used to it and it would either mean we react with a longer stress response to a stressor or need more stress to gear into action.
How we deal with life situations can open a whole world of us in how well we know ourselves and our environment. Why do we need some cause or something to wake us up? Can’t we simply be attuned into our own needs, meet them, and learn to deal with stressors in a more rational way?
Check with your timelines to locate the root of your stress response. Become aware to see whether you are living life from a place of stress already. Do you have fears worries and concerns? Then you are already in stress mode. So you deal with life situations or do you feel dealt by them?