Take a paper, cut out a shape, now transpose this onto some flour – you get the same mould different material. Similarly, what we take on through nature and nurture becomes a mapping of how things “should” be and so, we seek out that which reflects this. In other words “our outsides reflect our insides”.
Have you noticed what your life’s flavour or theme is? This is not a goal vision or purpose but there is a certain underpinning to almost all that comes into your life or that which you bring into. For example, are you almost always at the behest of figures of authority such as head teacher or a particularly harsh teacher, an inconsiderate employer, a tight landlord? Even an uncompromising partner perhaps an unruly child. So is your life mainly posing situations that call for you to take a stand, speak your truth, be yourself? Do you tell yourself “it’s okay” a lot?
And then we have the way we cope. Do you feel the need to have boundaries but don’t know how to put these up? Perhaps you have too many and are losing people in your life that want t connect but that is overwhelming and you don’t know which way is which. You don’t know what balance is.
Let me share a dotting game leading back to the self esteem revealed. I always thought until recently that I don’t believe in owning my own house that has been purchased on a mortgage. I either buy it mortgage free or live on rent. I have always readily given up my possessions without thought. Aha, so the problem here is of “ownership”, of having my own piece of land thats mine, my own mark, my signature and my keepsake. I then connected the not wanting to own, or make mine, to a lack of self worth that says I am worthy of having my piece of land with a boundary around it demarcating my territory. Was I allowed to have my own thoughts? Did I grow out of codependency into healthy independence or was I made obedient so that became my model? Which means as long as I have a roof and my basic physical needs are being met, the need to have a “gatekeeper” lest I get too free or independent is what is normal for me. I can rent but I cannot own. I can live in my parents home but I cannot have my own right to live there as it’s my home because there are rules to be met. So, my mindset recreates exactly that in life. And the excuse my mind gives ever so convincingly and altruistic almost, is that I don’t equate ownership with borrowed land.
Most of us stay at the periphery of discerning that we suffer from low self esteem without delving deeper into seemingly normal life situations.
Your childhood might not even be accessible to you but your life as it is will give you the clues which as you accept will pave the way for your memory to open up without confabulation.
Did you always try and do it all on your own or are you comfortable getting help? Sometimes, we resist even asking for assistance because we fear being rejected and judged for not being able to do it all. Did your parents have higher than expectations of you? Were you expected to achieve? Compared? When we push our children towards independence before they are ready they push themselves beyond their years and this creates a spiral of perfectionism, becoming more than human robotic and life love less.
What is it that you hold so tightly to? Freedom? Why? Look at your timelines. Try and join the dots and see what is being transposed. Once you can see that your life is reflecting a consciousness paradigm, it’s time to recreate or make over your blueprint. It can happen. But it’s not without its illusions thanks to our beautiful mind that can be a foe more than our ally at the worst of times.
We get deeper and deeper into our primal brain when our stress response is in overdrive. If you are facing more than stress such that you become super exhausted and unable to cope, you are going to go back to your primal ways of coping which you might have done as an infant toddler.
The key is to find relaxation and ease into your self. Become aware. Notice the mind. Let it pass.
Please leave your thoughts or get in touch personally to get deeper. We will uproot the weeds to make way for the blossoming and emerging.
Love
Mama