How much of a victim can we really feel like? And how much longer must we drag on our victimisations, that, whilst they had an impact even so much so that we may have come out severely traumatised, with all the therapy? Some of us will have an embedded imprint of victim personality and some of us will work through the victimisation whether real or fanciful to find the root of why we need to continue to live as victims when we are not being victimised in the here and now present time.
Many children manage to survive their not so good enough parenting. Some will survive to share their truth which will liberate their story and in turn make them thrive. Sadly, many of our stories go untold and that part of us that felt as a victim whether of not good enough parenting or caregiving or traumatic events like an abusive relationship remains in the event or episode of trauma. Your brain literally freezes at that moment although your life carries on.
One may feel at loggerheads and not understand how they still attract to them that which stirs the same feeling of being a victim. Life doesn’t just happen but life does to them. They don’t make life happen but life makes them happen and in the victims case life breaks them again and again. They pick up the pieces get up start again and once more fall. So what’s the magic formula? Why the pattern and what’s the solution?
Your child hurls abuses at you; maybe even tries to punch you. You know that your child is having a tough time expressing themselves and you also know you feel pain when they hit you. And that is emotional or physical. All the same you feel hurt. It keeps going on and you just curl up and take it. Why? You might think because your sense of compassion precluded you from taking any stand for yourself. You say your spirituality does not permit you to react and that too towards a child who obviously doesn’t know any better at least at that moment. So you take this day in day out. One day, a passerby makes a comment and you lose the plot. You hurl a volley of abuses in thought or word. You feel so embarrassed this happened and it is at odds with who you are and how you understand you to be.
Welcome victim personality!
Some will cower some will holler but all will carry on them a sense of entitlement because they were wronged and hard done by; this can lead into temporary narcissism that is not innate but rather a false sense of self that is put on to deal with that deep feeling of being the victim when you were one.
Tracing these feelings is the roadmap into personal triumph.
Many children who were beaten by their caregivers will have a memory of this in their psyche. They might have turned into bullies for who they really wanted to beat back was their aggressors but to do this would take away their fantasy of perfect caregiving as to think otherwise is death like for children. Other children might grow into abuse victims themselves perhaps at the hands of their spouse. That mindset of “I am a victim” must change. It need not remain past the expiry date of the episode.
For this to pass, one must seek out some form of therapy that will give voice to that old hurt and pain within. This is turn can help you separate the past from the present.
The mind will be reprogrammed to produce thoughts that will make life happen for you. No longer will you feel victimised by life it’s nuances and situations, no longer will you feel people are bad or that you always get the worst service in a restaurant or that things never work out or that work sucks! Whatever it is you think is happening to you as opposed to you being in charge needs your attention not tomorrow but right now.
Does life happen to you or do you make it happen for you? Can you think your life out to be as you desire right now? Do you complain about the same things over and over again? Do you act super defensive and feel you need to prove yourself?