Some say when, my bubba cries:
- “I feel nothing at all”
- “I feel so much i can’t contain my bubba’s feelings instead I get consumed by them”
- “I feel but I don’t know what to do and shut down”
- “Erghh I just want to tell bubba to shut up”
- “I don’t deal with this my other half does”
- “It’s gets to the point I leave him outside in the garden to cry” (similar to what used to happen when babies were left outside in their parks to cry)
- “I feel bad that bubba is crying and I accept that it is normal for him to emote just like adults do except in a more authentic way; I used to wish I could do more but I realised me just being there to soothe and contain him will suffice”.
Parenting is hard work when we are so tested it literally tears us apart breaks is within and totally removes any sense of equilibrium. That is, when we are not in touch with ourselves and why we are, how we are wired and what makes us tick, we will be lost in the pools of overwhelm. One simple reason is that as opposed to real life situations and encounters when you can choose to step away from people places that trigger you, with our children we simply cannot do that.
But how many of us do even though we aren’t actually physically walking away? Too many.
Being a parent is not about how many activities you do or how many toys you buy or what school of thought you follow to guide you on. No. It’s about how you connect with the child you were in the child that you parent.
Our children are golden little nuggets full of insight into our own mindset and level of consciousness. How much of your own childhood have you integrated? How much of your infancy and babyhood can you see in how you respond to your little bubba? How many times can you hear yourself say gosh I sound just like my mama or my papa.
There is no right way of how to parent except that it comes from a place of wholeness within which will reflect back on how your little bubba responds to life in the nest and when they fly off. Parents give them roots and wings. The roots can carry a lot of turmoil which a child will have developed a way of dealing with. That way developed is what we call a false sense of self if it is one that is borne of an experience that has taken away the child’s sense of whole self.
I used to cry when my bubba cried. I would
always criticise myself for not being more attentive or more attuned whereas deep down I knew I was all of this. But why did I feel all of this? As a new parent we are totally transported into rapture and stress altogether. A mama especially undergoes a lot of bodily stress. This might bring your stress response to a higher than alert and your old brain is likely to bring back old ways of coping and even innate maps that show you how to be as a parent. This will come from your own caregivers. As I was very very stressed it overwhelmed me. I was also very aware and highly sensitive so this amplified all that bubba felt inside of me.
Once I recognised my own stress response and rewired my old brain, I could very naturally and spontaneously respond to my crying bubba with a soothing stance and be his container. Infants and children shut down if you cry too, they don’t feel they can be contained.
Whilst it’s brilliant to have parental guidance and coaching, none of that makes a real difference unless you attune yourself to your own childhood. The more spiritually aware you are, you will be drawn toward a wholly approach to parenting as opposed to a parenting that’s only surface level.
We want to grow as our children do. They are the gatekeepers to our highest expression of an expanded version of consciousness as wholly parents. We hold they key to those gates. The key is humility, awareness and a deep love for this little bubba that can only make you a better person and in turn the best parent you can be.
How does it make you feel when you cry? Do you feel held supported or alone? Your answer will guide you back to the centre stage of your canvas of life.