For days I have been missing my morning walks and jogging. I simply couldn’t get off my fine arse to do this and there was always a reason I had ranging from sleep deprivation to experimenting a forced couch to arse association for morning chai. I had the odd jog, maybe a run with the little fur babies while little bubba drove his play car over the patio stairs reminding me of the movie the Italian job. Ermmm what’s the connection between the two? Red car maybe? Driving on stairs? My morning chai I have always enjoyed after getting the mini prep for the day chores over with like feeding the doggies, opening the curtains, stewing an apple and a pear for little bubba’s snack, lighting some candles, picking any toys off the floor that might have landed there while I attended to these. What’s the connection between having the morning chai after these chores and feeling wow this feels the right way rooms to doing it?
We wake up with hugs cuddles smiles that will only last as long as bubba can take still lying in bed before his spritely self jumps in to seize the next sensation. We savour that anyway. When I get off the bed, oh boy, do I sprint or what? I don’t glide my way from bed to dressing gown to opening the curtains to taking in the morning sun watching the trees surrounding us to the bathroom to getting us dressed and downstairs. I literally rush. So what’s the rush and where did that come from?
I set myself a task to do. For whatever reason I couldn’t get it done. So I give up? Where did that attitude come from?
Have you ever finished a spicy meal and then you really crave a fuzzy drink? Where did that come from?
When we feel tired we might reach out for a snack or if left too long maybe a caffeinated drink? Why? When we receive a piece of good news we call a friend. Why? For some when we fall in love, we become needy, we lose our sense of self. Why?
Have you noticed any form of conditioning in your child so far? Any association? Maybe a sleep association? What are the love associations our children have?
Okay, now we are on the same page about associations and know that these are what gives anything any significance symbolism or meaning. Without the meaning, there is no association. If for you to exercise is to lose weight then you might find you stop as soon as you gain weight. When we exercise because we exercise you are then not enslaved by any association to that. It won’t depend on anything.
Are associations an inevitable part of being human? Perhaps. So what is the problem then? It’s when we lack the awareness of these that they can grate at us and even take a hold when we don’t want to be hostage to any form of belief or conditioning. The way through your associations is to inculcate a sense of awareness that is yours to you. Not one that is taught or comes from someone else’s point of awareness. You need to get to know your own self and with cut throat open ended honesty. There is no other way. You become your own therapist.
If you have ever been a smoker that might have a further association apart from the one that made you smoke. You might have a drink and find you want to smoke. You will finish your meal and want to smoke.
“Neurons that fire together, wire together.” – Donald Hebb. Neuropsychologist Donald Hebb first used this phrase in 1949 to describe how pathways in the brain are formed and reinforced through repetition”
When we do something repeatedly we will form an association that will become us and our way of being. As long as this is in keeping with a true sense of who you really are then it’s pretty much in balance. But when it’s not, we will need to dig out the association and leave the place it took empty or create a new association. They key is to repeat and add emotion and attention.
If a child is admonished repeatedly for throwing his food on the floor when sat at the dinner table he is going to develop an association with food that says throw it and a punishment will ensue. It might lead to unhealthy eating habits later on. If as a toddler you are forced to eat not once twice or thrive but enough times for you to look to your caregiver for regulation and ignore your innate knowing of when you are full, then you will associate eating and satiation only with when the stomach feels over full. You will develop a tendency to overeat.
Babies and toddlers have inbuilt self regulation. They know when the are tired. They will let you know they want to sleep even if that is by resisting sleep. They know when they are hungry and will ask for food. A mother who was taught to overfeed by her infant self being over fed will associate filling her toddler with more food than he needs as a sign that he is full as opposed to let him decide.
A molested child will associate love with abuse. Or even a simple touch with danger. It all depends on what happens to us and how mature our brain is at the time to handle it.
We live exposed lives of Instagram amongst other social media. Will we continue to share our lives on there in the way we start off or do we start to tailor that to either gain a following or reflect the tastes of a particular following? If you weren’t followed and loved to paint for example would you still share these? Just think. Are you always made up when you take photos to share? What’s the association that has been built between social media and your self image?
Associations are there and will be there. It’s almost part and parcel of our existence as humans. Watching the associations our children make in a daily basis might assist in identifying our own. Knowing about associations and how these can affect our whole life trajectory will help us better parent our children. After all I wouldn’t want my child to develop an eating disorder or develop any associations so deep that he forgets who he is. Just like we have associations for success. What are yours?
I feel successful when I get to know a little bit more of me; when I give myself permission to express and live. For me success is all about how well I am able to articulate my inner self out.
What about you?