Ha – I just had to start with laughing off when I came up with this title for what I am about to articulate in the simplest way I can. When I read my posts, I think, “wow I can’t believe I can actually write in normal common parlance as opposed to the fanciful language I was so accustomed to years before I cut my own crap, and got my beautiful arse into gear”. Seriously though it took a lot of hammering chiselling and fine filing to get me to simplify “me”. Okay so I still love my designer make up although I gave that up too including any form of cosmetics to feel a sense of freedom without it till I found a way to apply it just because I want to as opposed to rely on it to beatify me. How can one even try to better what has been created in the highest possible form best for you right now?
But that’s not what I mean. Just to really see things in the way they are at face value – no added twists turns projections of any sort. How do we see a red flower just as a red flower? And not a symbol for love a lot of passion and power? Do we really need to attach a label and bestow holier than thou meaning to everything we see witness experience and observe? Even when we remove the common evils that we think are so, we simply replace these with a better higher version even if it is a very “holy” one, without understanding the root of why we even need anything outside of us to guide us back in. An example is when you give up smoking and take up yoga; and you become dependent on yoga and can’t find your peace and even drive without the yoga. We have a problem now. Another example, you move from job to job even change your career and still find some issue or another. You haven’t searched the why inside of you about your own song and bliss. Maybe the job is not the problem? When in a relationship that is really testing you and is clearly a very toxic one, if you are already in that holier than thou sort of clique then your manna will come from putting it down to the higher self’s will to uplift you or maybe even poke or prod you or even atonement of “sins” in a past life if the theory of karma is your thing then. You might even attribute all of its difficulties to yet another twist which is “twin flames”. Whatever you seek out to explain your current life situation is merely your mind attracting theories that substantiate and validate its chosen action or pattern for you. It’s a bit like being in a dispute and having legal teams on either side equally competent who will bring to the table very compelling arguments and their evidence will mirror those. An adjudication of who is right or wrong is not made by the legal teams. It is left to the judge or jury. Even so, at the end of the day only and only the parties to the dispute will know their truth. A party’s truth might even change to accommodate a legal argument because for that time the party is getting a fix or a high or dopamine and serotonin are being excreted by the exciting new angle.
Just imagine, if you for a minute you don’t attach any meaning or label something as good bad or ugly (Clint Eastwood western my father lovingly fed us with when westerns was the thing – I even took to country music – a big YUK for me as I am now although I did try to perhaps appease my father by becoming acquainted with his sense of music not finding my own till much later), might you for a fleeting moment experience the elixir of life that comes with freedom for the sake of freedom and not one you vie for or are looking for? My gosh, if we could come into that state of our unconditioned self where there is just freedom the way we are we might become very unruly or maybe very very harmonious depending on how we want to see it. After all what is righteousness to one may not be to another.
For a while that feeling of vastness and space engorges my being. I feel like I am floating on a cloud gently gliding from one task to another feeling light and free. I am still cooking and cleaning whilst meeting my infants daily needs being there for him when he needs mama to kiss him hold him and assure him. BUT, wow I feel zero strain or resistance. There is no set way of how things need to go, or even any labelling for how they are. I am actually living in real time as it happens.
What does it mean, all this mambo jambo about meeting God, oneness, holier than thou loving, spiritual realisation, kundalini rising and attaining nirvana? And the humans move that into communal gatherings seeking answers or respite. Some seek a soul retrieval from a shaman. Others go to healers to harmonise their relationship with spirit. We find teachers gurus and shamans in the hope that we can find our true self, and maybe meet our creator in the process. For some of us, we may not even seek, but “it” seeks us out and interrupts our life and shake our present paradigms of consciousness.
On the other hand we have a myriad of self help books, therapists promising the light, hypnosis, even psychedelic drugs and what have you. Then we have another tribe that only eats certain food; others will swear by cold showers and yoga. We have the alcoholics too and those who haven’t been sober a while and will swear by the efficacy of alcohol taking them to their exalted self states; a bit like the aghoris I met in Kedarnath who spent their time mostly on hashish again using it to enter an altered state to bring on immense relaxation paving the way into a meeting of their Shiva!
For me, I see no difference is any of the above. I have merely cited generally what came to mind to give you a flavour of our bent upon intent to fill our unbeknown to us “hole”. We look for means of quick fixing. We love our labels. We love to attach significance and meaning. This too comes from how life and being human was modelled to us as infants. Someone might have shown us a flower and told us that it is beautiful. We might have been told or shown to be weary of strangers and people who live in certain areas.
What is driving us to all these books speakers self help classes and all? What are we looking for? We might even have a social circle of friends and company that will keep us locked in a certain way of thinking. This is because of mirror neurons. We will come to depend on this social circle to meet our needs. One might say you have no needs that are being met and that you merely enjoy your social circle. Be that the case, then why is it so darn hard for people to stay at home in Covid lockdown and risk their lives and of their families just to go back to this social circle. Surely, if not a hole it’s filling, then what else. Perhaps look at why the circle and then why the hole.
For a while, we have thought that the hole in our psyche comes from a lack of love as an infant and not being in your wholeness. Well of course inner child healing is very valid BUT there’s more that goes into the recipe of being wholly unified human BEING. If almost everyone is still seeking to fill their lives and time surely that hole is still there regardless of whether we feel whole or not. Look at the states of some of the all so holy preachers and teachers. Seriously, is that what you emulate? And this is the hole that is filled when we attain nirvana or that state of oneness. It is what drives us to God and all that promises that unity with our divine creator. That unity comes when we see that the soul exists and not because we are told it does but we experience it. Pythagoras recognised that we only live half our SELF until we recognise that there is the soul.
Once again, even the joining of these holy groups and more reading of scriptures will bear no fruit without consistent self enquiry and self mastery. The meetings or any information and new language you now gather will act as band aid. These will simply be put on top of another like in the story about the princess and the pea, it’s only when you really awaken the princess in you, will you be able to feel that “pea” underneath all those layers of mattresses.
Covid times have offered a way through and that is to sit alone with only yourself or maybe even your family or people you house share with. Zero distractions. However, most of us, that may have had an outside external filler such as a park the theatre cinemas pubs bars and more, might have replaced these with the box books chocolates a baking addiction or more. So the time and moment given for stillness was lost, and spent instead on substitute nannies for our inner wounds and holes. That hole is the gap between you and your infinite self.
When we extend our feeling of wholeness across the whole of creation, we feel connected without the need of a device or person to all that we see. We can see spirit in all spirit in nature and no longer have a gap to fill. This doesn’t mean you will be flying on a high constantly. No, we cannot stay in such exalted states without being affected, but, this state remains inside of us as our anchor so that the bigger picture is always at the fore. We will still feel the emotions in life; after all feelings are our compass.
We will then be able to accept someone else’s vulnerability when they share it; we will want to share our fears and thoughts knowing these won’t be judged; in turn, we as parents and caregivers will let our infants have their tantrum, because that is them saying to you they feel comfortable showing themselves fully as they are to you because they know you will still love them hold them and cherish them. That tantrum and any emoting they do is a sure sign of excellent attachment and health. Let them be vulnerable and show themselves to us so that when they make friends and long lasting relationships these will be based on acceptance love respect and authenticity.
Our children are our gateways to the self; they will heal us, and their openness is an opportunity for us to embrace one another with that same pure innocence without motive even if the motive is one with a higher cause of finding wholeness within. Let the motive go.