This morning my brother who is so hard to get hold of, sent a text message responding to my call, saying he was about to get into a meeting; my sister in law the other day sent a similar message that she has just left home at 630am to be at her place of work early for setting up the space for the children. She is a teacher. I wanted to speak to either of them just to rave and rant about my feelings of angst and frustration at having such limited time to myself.
Oh boy did I eat a lot of humble pie or what when I realised I am behaving like a little spoilt brat! Well, it’s okay to feel the way I am and we all have our own unique issues but still. I thought wow I am feeling irritated because I don’t have enough time and space to create my masterpieces in art and cooking! This was a reality check for me to hone into all that I am grateful for and the biggest source of that humble pie for me is being able to spend so much one to one time with my little bubba.
During pandemic times a lot of people who might have wanted to stay at home, because they feel safer, or might want to look after their children and nests, had to leave for work, and daily drudgery made even more difficult with the extra safety precautions. Others went to work out of habit because they cannot stand being at home with their spouses; some whilst at home couldn’t enjoy the peace and quiet because it meant living with an all abusive spouse.
When we look around, whilst we face our own very very real issues, just doing a stock check might put it all into perspective. I decided I will turn the switch of gratitude on in order to give my brain an alternative paradigm to work from each time I am challenged by my own response to my little bubba. I cannot say that he is challenging me, but rather, that the feeling of being challenged, comes from my own rigidity and lack of adaptability.
To make the decision to be grateful is one. To remember that you made that decision and follow it through is another. I might try to use post it notes on my fridge if it works. Meanwhile, what I did today was to leave my little bubba while he battled sleep, and try some new techniques with my paint work. Just for a moment I managed to escape into my art and within a few minutes my mood shifted from being slightly agitated to feeling very grateful for the current sleep issues with my little bubba. It is so natural for them to fight their sleep. We all did it and some of us still do. I am no exception to this.
Last night I was so bent upon having “me” time that I ended up paying for it in “sleep” and “routine” time, which led to me waking after my little bubba, and that sleep battle today was a “I am genuinely not feeling sleepy” because mama couldn’t wake up on time and kept rocking little bubba back to sleep! So ha, this time, mama needs to stop fighting her sleep, yet the artwork is just so exciting it’s hard to tear myself away. Now can you understand why our children fight sleep? We just need to almost let them for a few moments and then gradually try to get them to bed at their pace and terms as much as possible without losing your routine so just allow for more time. Start the bedtime routine a little earlier. A toddler needs to feel free independent and in charge. And they need a lot of connectivity so keep those hugs on tap.
Back to gratitude. I feel so fortunate that I have time with my little bubba without any pressure of going outside to mingle. We have a beautiful space in our home. Our home is surrounded with green pastures for the cows at the dairy farm. There is so much to be grateful for. Some people barely get to see their kids enough, and are scrimping on glimpses at the weekends when they probably want to rest and then the household chores might need their attention too.
I am not having to go out to work daily and spend time away from my little one. I am at home with him all the time and we get to share so much of each other even if it is doing the chores. It’s all the more enriching when my little one and I do things together that done alone would otherwise be mundane and boring. He gets a kick out of using the vacuum and steam mops. He loves to jump on laundry while I fold clothes. All of these moment are magical. He insists on putting the spices in and stirring when we cook, he loves to roll out chapatis and wash the dishes after.
There really is no need as such for feeling irritated or frustrated when he spills water for the tenth time today. We can simply mop it up. Little bubba loves to clean up and will do it without being asked. Our daily activities become extraordinary and magical because they are filled with little bubba’s enthusiasm magic and free spiritedness. What’s there to complain about?
I am filled with gratitude when I think about how long I waited to fall pregnant. My gratitude turns into humility before my little bubba when I realise just how much healing he has brought to my soul that was withering away before he came. So if my little bubba needs his mamas attention, that for me is , wow I can’t believe my little one is so securely attached to me! And wow I can’t believe I am a mama! Soon they will be off doing their own thing so why not make the most of all the leg pulling and screaming that they do.
Gratitude is a magnet for much more abundance in our lives to manifest. This abundance comes in so many ways. The pandemic has given us more gratitude in having good health and family. We are grateful for being alive and healthy. We feel supported and want to live and feel more alive. We want to feel child like awe again. I feel grateful to all my triggers without which I wouldn’t know where to start to work on my conditioning; I am so grateful for the not so whole parenting I received although inadvertently so, because, I wouldn’t know how to carry my own self into wholeness by myself; and mostly I feel grateful to have seen the darker sides of childhood so that I know what I definitely don’t want for my little one and continuously work on existing paradigms so that these get be revamped to reflect my wholeness as opposed to wounded self; and I am grateful that I can express myself on this blog!
For those of us who have this beatific gift in being chosen to parent, please say a prayer of gratitude each time you feel stretched. When we allow ourselves to reach outside the parameters of our conditioned self we find freedoms we only ever imagined so far.
We are infinite; this is ever unfolding phenomena, the human. Dive into it. Feel it. Let us take you to where it will. Let the feeling of fear go. Bring in the whole of you with such magnitude that you can manifest who you are in an instant. And that is when you witness the magnificent being that you always were – that little bubba.