What begins the yearning for a higher being such as God or spirit self? Could it be an Initial wound of separation? Are we then all born with two separation wounds, one with the higher creator and second the mothers womb and later compounded by any meets not met at the dependent stage of infancy?
Securely attached, a soul takes form to then attach to its creator. Does the soul have to feel securely attached even perhaps at oneness with the universal consciousness or God or Spirit to venture out and incarnate to then forget it’s original attachment? Is that why we seek to attach to one another as a reminder or a mimicking of the original modelling that God modelled for us? Is attachment then natural to us in the same way we seek to attach to what we were at oneness with? Yet don’t most spiritual teachings purport against attachment. Ha.
Do we seek emotional regulation through spiritual pursuits or is there an innate desire to merge with what we identify as source or is it a longing to return to our “mother ship”. Are we all lost?
Surely any spiritual pursuit or even awakening can only come about or be deemed as authentic if one doesn’t seek to establish the secure bond it was neglected of in infancy; and neither should one seek yet another vehicle of emotional regulation. Without the need to fill the hole in the psyche by lack of infantile needs being met, any spiritual pursuit then could be considered as a genuine base to then suggest that there is indeed an inherent innate need in us to reconnect to a higher being. Perhaps to embrace a part of us that expresses in a non linear non physical way.
But how many of us seek to connect or indeed feel such connection without the need to satisfy a need want or desire such as a void. Or even know that we are doing this.
Perhaps, then, even when our infantile needs are met, we still have a hole in us that cannot be explained by simple psychology psychopathology or neurobiology or whatever other ology. It is only then surely, that any experience is gauged as authentic. We are not then seeking to get those needs met or for that matter any need but are responding to a clarion call, a calling to live a conscious and fully life embracing too our spirit side.
Our idea of God outside of our mother father will almost always mirror our attachment with them. And this comes as a whole package. When we finally meet a God through what was inculcated in us about who God is and what the attributes are, these along with the attachment style including whether your needs were met will be mirrored so that if these were not, even after starting a conscious relationship with a God you will find the same thing happen again – your needs go unmet. In effect what we are doing is to create God in the image of us – an is that is yet to come into wholeness. We project our first encounter of creator in our parents onto God.
So, this is when you go looking for a different God. Maybe the God that your family worship isn’t after all the God that can provide for your infantile needs which by this time you may still haven’t realised as your concept of God is still of a “rescuer” or one that will fill that gap take you to “higher” dimensions and spiritual pursuits so that you can plaster the wounded child within and shut her mouth once and for all. You end up in a another Gods home, this time it’s a different faith, oh wow even different culture food language and way of being. This whole new God and the various colours tastes and sensory input get your serotonin and dopamine levels going up, and you are convinced that ah this is the real deal for you and your most secure way to salvation. You even find a life partner from this other Gods “Boma”. Wow! You have finally arrived at your salvation fantasy.
Again what is happening here is you look at the outer Gods package and think woohoo I have made it, I have arrived and this will certainly keep me afloat and fill my hole to the brim, assuming you know you have one to fill. How many successful fully centred and stable people do you see attending sermons or sitting in temples engaged in idolatry? Or walking on hot stones?
That hole is so so illusory and hard to catch that it plays games with us. People change their names houses and so so much more in the name of a different God they have found rarely asking themselves the question of why they so badly need this God or even a God. You will assess the merit of the different Gods and be sure to thwart or remove the idea you had of God and that this was a misnomer, just to keep you planted and “rooted” in your new Gods Boma. It’s just how the mind works. When we want something and cannot just say we want it as there’s no rational means of supporting it, we tend to justify our wanting it by a higher or a delicious sounding reason. One that’s palatable, although, more to you than the audience as they probably don’t even care. The chaos in happening inside of you and all you.
When the needs of the infant are fully met within imposed boundaries for their safety protection such as not letting them run off to the road, telling them “no” to eating out of the garbage bin, or stopping them from playing with a knife or anything that could cause them harm, the infant thrives and sees all else as an offshoot of this secure attachment. The nucleus is the family for this child one need not go any further apart from the adventure and enriching of our lives in extraordinary and ordinary ways.
The moving away from the nucleus then is not to seek a fresh validation or approval or a rescuing of some sort but to merely live independently with a healthy sense of self and relationship with your higher self and a God that is not a place of I want this or that but a conduit for you to extend your experience into another part of your expression that comes from spirit. And chances are you are already living wholly and fully without even been conscious of it. You are already rounded living fully embodied and an extension of spirit.
The disillusion one feels when the family “God” doesn’t take them far on their pursuits or doesn’t reflect ones true nature is actually the child’s own disenchantment with the parents but to a child to directly feel this and point to the parents is death like. Not to mention that most of us are reared not to question our parents and that means we don’t question “God” either. This God that one abandons for the new God is full of the same attributes that are reflective of the type of conditioning that will have been set in the child. So if you grew up with your needs not being met neither will God and there will be constant battles; if you felt abandoned you will so even with God; if you felt a lack of abundance the old God will reflect this too. Suffice to say you might get what I am trying to elicit.
With the new God now with time just like we have a series of same mishaps same type of issues similar problems sign every new relationship be that romantic or friendship, you might again have that same same transposition of your initial relationship with your mother father God to family God to the new God. No matter how many times you meditate take classes attend to your therapy or sign up to the new Gods workshops, that hole remains and the whole evades.
So what’s happening? It’s called homeostasis. Your brain is accustomed to a certain way, it doesn’t know what’s good or bad for you. It just knows neural pathways that’s all. It simply keeps you on the same track or a predisposed map, How do we undo this and create new tracks? A new map.
Shift in consciousness.
Get mindful about your inner life. Start a dialogue with yourself. Have a seriousness in getting to the core of you and then the whole state will arrive. You will see your wounds clearly, you will know what to do. That could be naming the wound, blaming the one that gave it to you, grieving the loss of a childhood you deserved, acceptance, integrating that, and finally letting go of any judgement of your family of origin including your first God. You have arrived. You are finally home in this body.
And, when we arrive, we realise that our homecoming was always a given; it was always there; we didn’t need to seek as what was sought was simply a part of your self. And parts of us are not found outside of us but within our insides.